Insights on sexual wellness and motherhood with Alex Fine
In our latest Insight Series, we explored sexual wellness and motherhood with sex educator, podcast host, co-founder of Dame products, and mom of soon-to-be three, Alex Fine. She shared her top tips for embracing the changes of motherhood and keeping up self-care as a new parent. From innovations to expert advice, Alex reveals the ins and outs of staying connected to yourself and your partner through parenthood. Read on for her enlightening insights!
Congratulations on your pregnancy with your third baby! Can you tell us what motherhood means to you at this stage in your life?
A new reason to get up every morning.
What inspired you to start your sexual wellness brand, Dame, and how has the journey of building it shaped you?
I wanted to be a sex therapist for a really long time. While studying for my master's at Columbia, I realized that sexual wellness products — specifically vibrators — while often recommended to clients, were not being treated or marketed in a way that represented their therapeutic and medical benefits. I thought: why not me? It turned out there were no women in the industry at the time, and building Dame has been a real test of resilience. It's helped me become a much stronger communicator and a stronger person overall. Building a company challenges you in ways you can't anticipate and it can push you to become the most powerful version of yourself.
As a sex educator, what would you say is the biggest surprise many women face with changes to their sex life postpartum?
Through the motherhood journey, sex takes on a whole new meaning — it becomes a different experience entirely. Postpartum, it changes again, and it's different for everybody. Sometimes there's significant physical recovery involved, including vaginal trauma, which can make intimacy physically challenging. And so much of our experience of love, touch, and connection becomes channeled toward our children. We can experience what's called being "touched out" or just deeply exhausted. Your relationship with your body and with desire can shift dramatically and I think it's important to say: that's okay. We can still be sexy, present, alive women in motherhood. It just might look different than before.
Parenthood can often leave little time for self-care. Why do you believe intimate wellness should be part of the broader self-care conversation?
Solo play and intimate self-care are a really important part of self-care for mothers — and they're often the first things to be left out of that conversation. Especially postpartum, when penetration can feel scary or uncomfortable, exploring your own pleasure on your own terms is a gentle way of easing back in. It's about reclaiming your body for yourself. There can also be real pressure from a partner, and sex can start to feel like something you're doing for someone else. Starting with yourself — where it's truly only for you — is the most grounded place to begin.
Images by Aurielle Sayeh @auriellesayeh (opens in a new tab).
What are some ways postpartum mothers can incorporate self-care into their routines and reconnect with themselves?
Step one is actually claiming the time. It sounds simple, but it's not. It could be a Sunday morning, or just a window where you are not the caregiver — where you get to just be a person. Even when we do claim that time, it can still be hard to actually enjoy it. But I'd recommend blocking it off like a non-negotiable. A bath is always a good idea. If you can swing a solo hotel night every now and then, that can be genuinely transformative. The key is creating the conditions for the experiences you're looking for and trusting that you deserve them.
What advice would you give to postpartum parents who want to rebuild intimacy and strengthen their partnership?
There are so many ways to strengthen your partnership — and it's not all about sex. Parenthood actually gives you a constant stream of opportunities to deepen your co-collaboration and connection. When it comes to rebuilding physical intimacy, you need space for it. You also need to find ways to make it playful. Nap time, for example, can be a little tryst — a stolen moment that feels exciting rather than obligatory. You have to find new ways of seeing each other as sexy outside of the roles you're both playing. I'll say this: watching my husband care for our kids has been one of the most intimate, beautiful things I've ever experienced. That is intimacy. It's everywhere, if you're looking for it.
In what ways has your work at Dame influenced the values you want to instill in your children and how you raise them?
My work at Dame has made me deeply committed to instilling values of autonomy in my children — both financial independence and the ability to pave their own way in life, but also agency over their bodies. I want them to really feel empowered to decide for themselves what feels right, to have strong somatic self-awareness and to trust it. That bodily autonomy, that sense of self — it's at the heart of everything I've built at Dame, and it's at the heart of how I want to raise my kids.
What is the one message you would most like to share with parents about sexual wellness?
There is no right way. Our connection with our sexuality ebbs and flows and shifts — and that's not a problem to fix, it's just how it works. If we want it to be different than it is, we have to claim that. We have to say it out loud. And we have to create the space for those changes to happen.
Alex Fine is a sex educator, podcast host, co-founder of Dame products, and mom of two with a baby on the way. Stay connected with Alex through her Instagram handle @afinehuman (opens in a new tab).
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